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Follow the stars home : a novel

by Luanne Rice

  Book : Fiction  |  Bantam Books mass market ed

DEPRESSION AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE!!!!!!!!   (2013-02-09)

Poor

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by KURSTY

"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND PEOPLE NOT WANTING CHILDREN!!!!!!!!"

 

"WELL I CAN!!!!!!!!  NOW CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT PLEASE?!?!?!?!

 

BUT I DON'T WEAR NAIL VARNISH, THOUGH, BECAUSE I CAN'T!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY AM I NOT INTERESTED IN NAIL VARNISH, BUT I ALSO FEEL THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR IT!!!!!!!! I FEEL THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR ANY OF THAT OTHER FEMININE STUFF EITHER!!!!!!!!
TRACEY, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW THAT?!?!?!?! YOU'RE NOT ACTING HUMAN AT ALL!!!!!!!! YOU'RE BEHAVING LIKE AN ALIEN FROM PLANET MARS!!!!!!!!
IT'S AS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A GIRL!!!!!!!! IT'S AS IF YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE FEMALE!!!!!!!! THE REASON WHY YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN'T WEAR NAIL VARNISH OR ANY OF THE OTHER FEMININE STUFF THAT YOU SEE OTHER FEMALES WEARING IS BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!!!!! YOU'RE THINKING LIKE A MENTALLY DISABLED, RETARDED PERSON!!!!!!!!

 

IF I EVER CAME ACROSS THIS BOOK, I'D PROBABLY SCRIBBLE ALL OVER IT IN ANGER AND FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!! AND I'D ALSO SCRIBBLE ALL OVER THE BOOKS IN THE MARCH CAMBRIDGESHIRE LIBRARY!!!!!!!!

"Can you NOT wear one hairclip on each side!  Because you don't want to look like a little school girl!!"
"Give the hairclips to me! I'd rather have Dianne do it because i like the way she does it!"
"WEAR IT HOWEVER YOU WANT!! I'VE GOT A HEADACHE!! NO ONE'S GOING TO TAKE YOU, ANYAY!!"

"But then what about Julia? We can't just leave her abandoned in some hospice surrounded by all those doctors and nurses!"
"I meant in the spring, after the time has finally come!"
"After she DIES?? Is that what you mean?? MOVE AFTER SHE DIES??????? THAT'S THE PLAN????????"
Look, David just told me that Julia only has a few months left to live! She's barely six years old, and she's dying!!"
"If David told you that she'd been given ten more years, would you have bothered being here? Be honest with me!!"
"No, YOU be honest! Would you go through the EXACT same thing all over again, knowing how much she has suffered, knowing the hellish, messed up, and cruel life she has had with doctors and surgery? Once Julia dies, we're going to have a much healthier family with normal kids that are much healthier than Julia!"
"Do you even know what that is?? Do you even know what a normal and healthy family means - where no one is ever angry, or sad, or sick or in pain??"
"I really don't care about Julia, and I never have! As far as i'm concerened, she never even existed, and i never had a brain damaged, mentally and developmentally disabled daughter! I love YOU, and that's the only thing that matters!"
"Where were you when i needed you the most? What were you doing when i was up all night crying my eyes out because i was too tired to get any sleep? Where were you when i had to be dressing and feeding Julia on my own, or when i was walking tothe grocery with no one to turn to for support? WHERE WERE YOU????????"
"ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!! I'M HERE NOW!!!!!!!!"
"Six years, Mark! For SIX WHOLE WASTED YEARS, i've been trying to understand why you walked out when you did, and i've been trying to make excuses for you an work it out myself in my head!! But now, all of a sudden, i finally DO understand!!
Julia is my daughter!! She is a part of who i am, and who i've become!! I don't know you!! And you sure don't know me!! Now i want you to leave us alone!! DON'T COME BACK!!"

It's obvious that Mark hasn't changed! You can tell!! You would expect him to be a lot more concerned about Julia, now that he's just found out that she only has a few months left and might die very soon because of her condition!! But he's made it clear that he doesn't care about Julia AT ALL!! People like that are not worth it!!

 

THE WORLD WOULD BE A LOT BETTER WITHOUT VILE BASTARDS LIKE DIANNE, JULIA, AND AMY, BECAUSE THEY ALL MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!!   IN FACT, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING HUMAN BEING ON EARTH MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!  I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AROUND ME!!!!!!!! FUCKING EVERYONE ON THIS FUCKING EARTH!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE ESPECIALLY!!!!!!!!

THE REASON WHY I STARTED TO HATE THE MOVIE ADAPTATION WAS BECAUSE I DESPISED ALL THE PEOPLE IN IT - ESPECIALLY DIANNE, JULIA, AND AMY!!!!!!!!! I FOUND TOO MUCH FAULT WITH DIANNE BECAUSE SHE WAS NOTHING BUT A SLUT; I ALSO FOUND FAULT WITH JULIA BECAUSE SHE WAS A BRAIN-DAMAGED COMPLETELY MENTALLY DISABLED RETARDED BASTARD, AND WITH AMY BECAUSE SHE WAS AN IRRITATING LITTLE CREATURE AND A SELF-PITYING WORTHLESS WASTE OF SPACE! THAT'S WHY I WAS ANGERED BY THE MOVIE ADAPTATION AND FOUND IT TOO UPSETTING!!!!!!!!!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!!!!!

 

THERE'S NO POINT LOOKING AT NAIL VARNISH OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER FEMININE ACCESSORIES WHEN I CAN'T EVEN WEAR THEM!!!!!!!! AND THE REASON WHY I DON'T WEAR ANY MAKE-UP, OR NAIL VARNISH, OR OPEN-TOE SHOES, OR ANYTHING ELSE FEMININE IS BECAUSE I FEEL THE NEED TO HAND AROUND THOSE WHO DON'T WEAR STUFF LIKE THAT EITHER, THOSE WHO DRESS AND ACT LIKE LESBIANS SUCH AS CHARLENE GRUNDY FROM ISLE COLLEGE AND THAT MENCAP BEFRIENDER CALLED KURSTY!!!!!!!!
BUT WHY THEM???????? WHY COPYING PEOPLE LIKE THAT????????

 

I'VE ALREADY STOPPED TAKING INTEREST IN MAKEUP, JEWELLERY, AND OTHER FEMININE ACCESSORIES, AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER TAKING ANY INTEREST IN ANY FEMININE CLOTHING EITHER!!!!!!!!!!  I'VE ALSO DECIDED THAT I'M NOT GOING TO DRESS TOO FEMININE ANYMORE!!!!!!!  FROM NOW ON, I'LL ONLY BE WEARING JEANS, MEN'S SHIRTS, AND CONSTRUCTION SHOES, AND I'LL BE CUTTING MY HAIR AND BARE NAILS DEAD SHORT LIKE A MAN!!!!!!!!  I CAN'T WEAR ANYTHING THAT I WOULD WANT TO WEAR - THAT'S WHY I'VE STARTED DRESSING ALL MANNISHLY AND LIKE A LESBIAN!!!!!!!!  AND WHATEVER I SEE OTHER GIRLS AND OTHER WOMEN WEARING, I'LL BAN MYSELF FROM WEARING!!!!!!!!  AT THE SAME TIME, I'LL ONLY STICK TO DRESSING THE SAME WAY I SEE OTHER MENTALLY DISABLED PEOPLE AND OTHER PEOPLE WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES DRESS, AND I'LL ONLY WEAR WHAT I SEE OTHER PEOPLE WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES WEARING!!!!!!!!  I'VE DECIDED TO PUNISH MYSELF IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE, AND I FEEL THAT GOD SHOULD PUNISH ME AS WELL, FOR BEING THE WAY I AM - EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE LIKE THIS AND DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE!!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD YOU NOT TAKE ANY INTEREST IN ANY FEMININE CLOTHES OR FEMININE ACCESSORIES????????  I EXPECT YOU TO THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!!!!!!  OR WHAT ARE YOU TURNING INTO???????  A LESBIAN????????

YEAH, ACTUALLY!!!!!!!!  THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TURNING INTO!!!!!!!!  AND THE REASON WHY I'M BEHAVING LIKE THIS IS BECAUSE I'M BITTER!!!!!!!!  LIFE HAS BEEN CRUEL AND UNKIND TO ME, AND TO THOSE IN THE SAME SITUATION AS ME!!!!!!!!!  MY LIFE IS SAD AND STUPID COMPARED TO THE LIVES OF THOSE WHO ARE NOT HAVING TO GO THROUGH WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!!!!!!!  THIS WORLD IS NOT MEANT FOR VULNERABLE DISABLED PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF, AND I DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD EITHER!!!!!!!!!

I FEEL SORRY FOR MENTALLY AND DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED PEOPLE, BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT THE ACTUAL BRAINS AND MINDS OF CHILDREN!!!!!!!!
BUT THEY CAN'T HELP IT, THOUGH, CAN THEY?!?!?!?!


NO ONE WANTS TO BE BORN LIKE THIS, AND NO ONE WANTS TO GO THROUGH WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH - THAT'S WHY I CAN'T HELP PASSING MY FRUSTRATION ON SO MANY THINGS INCLUDING NOVELS AND BOOK REVIEW FORUMS!!!!!!!!!  AND THEN IF I'M GOING TO BE MADE TO BATTLE SOME MENTAL DISABILITY THAT USUALLY AFFECTS BOYS, THEN PERHAPS I DON'T WANT TO BE A GIRL!!!!!!!!  IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE FEMALE, BECAUSE UP THERE MENTALLY I FEEL MORE LIKE A MALE THAN A FEMALE, WHICH IS ONE OF THE MANY REASON WHY I SEE LIFE AS NOT WORTH LIVING!!!!!!!!
I'D RATHER NOT BE AROUND NON-DISABLED PEOPLE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!  I'D RATHER BE AROUND OTHER MENTALLY DISABLED PEOPLE AND OTHER PEOPLE WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES (INCLUDING THOSE WHO ARE IN WHEELCHAIRS), BECAUSE I CAN ONLY RELATE TO THOSE SORTS OF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!  I CAN'T RELATE TO ABLE-MINDED PEOPLE, BECAUSE I'M NOT ABLE-MINDED!!!!!!!!  I'M AN ENTIRELY MENTALLY DISABLED RETARD!!!!!!!!  AND THAT'S WHAT I'VE DECIDED TO START LABELLING MYSELF AS FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!

I HATE THE PEOPLE AT THAT MENCAP ORGANIZATION, ESPECIALLY THAT BITCH CALLED KURSTY!!!!!!!! AND I HATE THE PEOPLE IN THAT PARTICULAR AREA AS WELL!!!!!!!! THEY MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!! IN FACT, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING HUMAN BEING ON EARTH MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!

WELL, HATE IS A STRONG WORD!!!!!!!!  YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT YOU HATE THE PEOPLE IN THAT AREA, BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!!!!  WHAT HAVE THEY AND THE PEOPLE AT THAT MENCAP ORGANIZATION EVER DONE TO YOU????????

NO WONDER SO MANY PEOPLE CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN; THEY CAN JUST GO WHEREVER THEY WANT, AND DO WHATEVER THEY WANT WITH THEIR FUCKING LIVES!!!!!!!! IF THEY NEED TO GET AS FAR AWAY FROM EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AS POSSIBLE, THEY CAN DO JUST THAT!!!!!!!!

YOU SHOUDLN'T BE FOCUSING ON THOSE WITHOUT CHILDREN!!!!!!!!  WHY FOCUSING ON THEM????????

ONLY JUST RECENTLY, SOME NASTY SPITEFUL PERSON FROM BACK IN ENGLAND VERY CRUELLY SAID TO ME THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE A LOT BETTER WITHOUT "VILE BASTARDS" LIKE ME, AND IN A WAY HE WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!  I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD IN THE FIRST PLACE, BECAUSE I FIND THE WORLD A CRUEL AND UNSAFE PLACE THAT I DON'T EVEN BELONG IN!!!!!!!!!  I REGRET BEING BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD, AND I HATE MY LIFE THAT MUCH I WISH I WAS NEVER EVEN BORN!!!!!!!!!  EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE LIKE THIS AND DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE LIKE THIS, I OFTEN FEEL THAT PERHAPS THE WORLD WOULD BE A LOT BETTER WITHOUT WORTHLESS "VILE BASTARDS" LIKE MYSELF IN IT!!!!!!!!

OTHER PEOPLE DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME; IN FACT, NOTHING IN THE WORLD MAKES ANY SENSE TO ME AT ALL!! THAT'S WHY I CAN'T HELP PASSING MY FRUSTRATION ON NOVELS, AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS AS WELL!!!!!!!!

CONTINUE PASSING YOUR FRUSTRATION ON SO MANY THINGS, THEN!!!!!!!!  YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!!!!




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