Suicide

WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU ABOUT CALLING OUT ABOUT BRAIN TUMOR???????? EH????????  WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU ABOUT CALLING OUT ABOUT BRAIN TUMOR????????  DID I NOT TELL YOU THAT IT UPSETS ME, OR WHAT????????

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I FINALLY REACHED THE END OF MY TETHER AND DECIDED TO START VANDALIZING PUBLIC PROPERTY AND SEVERAL OTHER PLACES IN ANGER?????????  BECAUSE I'M THINKING OF DOING JUST THAT ONE DAY!!!!!!!!  I'M ALSO THINKING OF SHAVING MY ENTIRE HAIR OFF AND PHYSICALLY DESTROYING MYSELF!!!!!!!!   THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I FEEL LIKE RIPPING ALL MY CLOTHES TO SHREDS, AND I FEEL LIKE RIPPING EVERYTHING ELSE AROUND ME TO SHREDS AS WELL, AND I'VE ALREADY STARTED PUNISHING MYSELF BY GIVING UP ALL MY LIMITED BELONGINGS!!!!!!!!  PERHAPS SUICIDE IS THE BEST OPTION FOR SOMEONE IN MY SITUATION!!!!!!!!

WHAT HAPPENED WAS VERY SERIOUS!!!!!!!!  OKAY?!?!?!?!  WHAT YOU DID AT ALL YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS SCHOOLS AND ALL THOSE OTHER FUCKING PLACES AS WELL!!!!!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT LIBRARY BOOK THAT YOU SCRIBBLED ON, THE ONE ON DEPRESSION ON SUICIDE????????
I'M GOING TO SHOW IT TO THEM WHEN I GET BACK!!!!!!!!
YOU'RE CRAZY!!!!!!!!  YOU REALLY MADE A FOOL OF YOURSELF LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!  ONE OF THE MALE STAFF MEMBERS AT THAT SPECIAL NEEDS BOARDING SCHOOL ST DOMINIC'S - HE SAID HE COULD HARDLY BELIEVE THAT HE WAS SPEAKING TO A FUCKING TWENTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD ON THE PHONE!!!!!!!!

IF I EVER CAME ACROSS THIS FUCKING BOOK I'D PROBABLY SCRIBBLE ALL OVER IT IN ANGER AND FRUSTRATION - JUST AS I ALREADY SCRIBBLED ALL OVER THOSE OTHER FUCKING BOOKS AND FUCKING NOVELS!!!!!!!!

I MAY NOT BE COMPLETELY MENTALLY DISABLED AND IN A WHEELCHAIR, DRIBBLING, BUT I MIGHT AS WELL BE - BECAUSE I FEEL COMPLETELY MENTALLY DISABLED!! I FEEL JUST AS DISABLED AS THOSE WHO ARE VERY SEVERELY BRAIN DAMAGED AND WHOSE BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS AND REACTIONS ARE EVEN MORE VIOLENT THAN MINE ARE!!!!!!!!!
I NEED HELP, AND ALL I EVER WANT IS FOR SOMEONE OUT THERE TO JUST HELP ME, BUT I FEEL THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME - NOT EVEN ANY OF THE PSYCHIATRISTS THAT I'VE BEEN TO! EVERYONE AROUND ME ONLY CARES ABOUT THEMSELVES, AND THEY'RE ONLY OUT FOR THEMSELVES! NO ONE CARES ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME! NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE THAT I'M GOING THROUGH SO MUCH SUFFERING, AND THAT I'M SUFFERING ALL BECAUSE OF THE WAY I AM! THAT'S WHY I FIND THE WORLD A VERY CRUEL, CONFUSING, AND FRIGHTENING PLACE THAT I DON'T EVEN BELONG IN! THE WORLD IS NOT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME! AND THEN THE REASON WHY I CAN'T HELP PASSING MY FRUSTRATION ON SO MANY THINGS INCLUDING LIBRARY BOOKS AND BOOK REVIEWS IS BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK TO DO, AND BECAUSE I'M LETTING GOD KNOW HOW MUCH I'M SUFFERING! THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I FEEL LIKE DESTROYING SO MANY PLACES IN ANGER BY VANDALIZING THEM - AS MEANS OF LASHING OUT!
I GET THAT DEPRESSED WHENEVER LOOKING BACK ON MY LIFE THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE ALIVE ANYMORE, BECAUSE OF ALL THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH AND BECAUSE MY WHOLE LIFE SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE BIT BY BIT! WHICH IS NOT EVEN MY FAULT, BECAUSE I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS SORT OF LIFE! EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE BORN LIKE THIS - AND DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE BORN LIKE THIS - I OFTEN FEEL THAT PERHAPS THE WORLD WOULD BE A LOT BETTER WITHOUT WORTHLESS VILE BASTARDS LIKE MYSELF IN IT! BECAUSE THEN, AT LEAST I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE MADE TO LIVE LIKE THIS! AT LEAST I WOULD BE SPARED ALL THE SUFFERING!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T HELP LOOKING AT ALL MY OTHER FELLOW SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS AT ST DOMINIC'S, HAVERING COLLEGE, AND ALL THE OTHER SPECIAL SCHOOLS THAT I WENT TO, BECAUSE I FEEL THAT THEY'RE A LOT BETTER OFF THAN ME!!!!!!!!  THEIR LIVES ARE A LOT BETTER THAN MINE, AND THEY ALSO HAVE A BETTER BRAIN THAN ME!!!!!!!!

"I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!  MY LIFE IS OVER, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED!!!!!!!!"

"IT WILL BE IF YOU DON'T START SHUTTING UP!!!!!!!!"

WHO WAS IT THAT DESTROYED THIS PARTICULAR BOOK????????  WAS IT THE SAME PERSON WHO ALSO DESTROYED ALL THOSE NOVELS FROM THAT SPECIAL NEEDS CHARITY SHOP AND FROM THING-ME-BOBS????????  BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS!!!!!!!!  AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER WRITING A LETTER TO YOUR PARENTS OR EVEN PHONING YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!!  I'M JUST GOING TO PHONE THE SOCIAL SERVICES INSTEAD!!!!!!!!  AND I'M JUST GOING TO TELL YOUR FATHER WHY I HAD YOU SENT AWAY!!!!!!!!

YOU SHOULDN'T LASH OUT AT OTHER PEOPLE, BECAUSE IT'S NOT VERY FAIR ON THE OTHER SPECIAL NEEDS RESIDENTS!!!!!!!!  THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH!!!!!!!!
"SHE SOUNDED LIKE THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!" 
"WELL, OF COURSE SHE WOULD IF  SHE WAS POSSESSED!!!!!!!!"
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE FROM THE EXORCIST, AREN'T WE?!?!?!?!
ARE YOU BETTER THAN SOMEONE FROM THE EXORCIST????????  NO, YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!  SO DON'T EVEN FUCKING BOTHER BRINGING THAT DEMON-POSSESSED MOTHERFUCKING WORTHLESS COCKSUCKER INTO ANY OF THIS!!!!!!!!