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Understanding the borderline mother : helping her children transcend the intense, unpredictable, and volatile relationship

by Christine Ann Lawson

  Book

Personality Disorder Overview - Enter Cautiously   (2009-11-02)

Very Good

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by 176turbulence3

This is an intriguing and disturbing description of the person with borderline personality disorder, specifically a mother.  While it focuses on the mother and her relationship with her children, it also shows how the relationship between her and her husband affects the children one way or another.  To the extreme, the borderline mother can even destroy her child(ren) by taking their very lives, and this book explains how (if there is an explanation at all!) a mother could possibly destroy her own child.  It also explains why a child might want to destroy her.  This is helpful information to know when faced with a news story of a mother killing her own children and we cannot fathom it and don't know how to process such information.  Borderline mothers are everyday people with great talents, energy, full lives, and even have normal-looking families to outsiders.  But inside the home, even the young child knows something is not right.  A BPD person can change for the worst in a split-second for no apparent reason (however there is one) as the mother sacrifices her children for her own needs.  She does this in various ways, all of them deceiving, confusing and manipulative. Often one child is picked on above the rest. The books describes 4 types of borderline personalities: the waif, the hermit, the queen and the witch. It describes how each type is shown to each member in the family structure, and you feel the entrapment and the hopelessness.  Fortunately, the books also tells how to live with such a person, and how the husband's role can be helpful to the child, which provides hope that the child will develop normally. The father's protection of his children and his validation of their feelings is paramount if they are to develop normally. Is there hope?  Yes, mostly through validating the child's feelings. Can I help a child I feel is in need?  Perhaps, if I can speak up for that child and validate his/her feelings and experiences.  Ideally, I need to spend time with the child and interact in a normal fashion with him/her, validating him/her by mirroring his/her feelings and allowing him freedom to feel a whole range of emotions. There is also help for adult children of the BPD person in order to avoid remaining entrapped in the relationship with the mother and the book tells how to do that with each type of  BPD mother. 




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