The Audiophylum Family
Five Species:
1. Glam Rockers
2. Goths
3. Metal Heads
4. Rude Boys (and Girls)
5. Thugz
Constituting a relatively large and sprawling family, these Hipsters are traditionally grouped together due to their proclivity to assume motifs associated with some musical form. It is important to note, however, that most specimens are thus categorized based merely on appreciation. That is, while some may in fact entertain or perform, they are not distinguished by creativity.
GLAM ROCKERS
Male
exterior: Thin; wiry. Tight pants; sleeveless T-shirt.
markings: Heavy, shimmery makeup (eyeliner, eye shadow, lip gloss).
plumage: Spiky.
movement: Ornate and theatrical.
voice: Syrupy, with affected intonation.
Female [rare, not pictured]
exterior: Thin, attractive, and boyish; prepubescent. Tight, fashionable clothing.
Noted for their flamboyant, tarted-up appearance, Glam Rockers are perhaps the friendliest and least judgmental of all Hipsters. As such, they invite no known specific natural enemy, though, like many artistic or sexually ambiguous breeds, often suffer general derision ("Fags!") at the hands of most male Graecus species [see, especially, Ex-Frats].
These Hipsters are, at present, quite rare. In fact, most casual observers respond to the very mention of Glam Rockers with an astounded "They still exist?" They do, though much of their minuscule natural environment was recently further depleted through the concerted effort of the New York City political establishment [e.g., the raids on Coney Island High and Life]. While not targeting Glam Rockers per se, these crackdowns diminished the visibility of the general art scene with which they are associated. Though the ecological rape of their habitat has removed the species from much of public view, small pockets of these Hipsters do remain alive in the wild [see Habitat, below]. As endangered, they present quite a challenge to observers.
While much of the species' culture centers around dated music, fashion, and iconography, periodic blips on the pop radar screen have served to keep the scene somewhat fresh [e.g., Velvet Goldmine, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, the Toilet Boys, et al.].
Sexual Identity; Orientation:
Glam Rockers, particularly males, present a look of absolute androgyny. As with most aspects of the scene, said androgyny is modeled after an ideal of the 1970s [e.g., David Bowie ca. Ziggy Stardust, New York Dolls, et al.], as opposed to the Glam Rock aesthetic of the 1980s, during which makeup was worn by obviously straight, otherwise masculine males [e.g., Poison]. Today, many male Glam Rockers are homosexual, bisexual, or sexually ambiguous.
Mating Habits:
When mating, Glam Rockers tend to stick to their own kind. Coupled boys look strikingly similar to one another, making observation doubly fruitful. In addition, Glam Rockers are never spotted alone; they move only in pairs (same sex or mixed).
While certainly homoerotic, the species is not exclusively homosexual. Male specimens do attract females, who remain undeterred by the male's possible preference for Hipsters of his own gender. Glam Rock Girls function in the scene as equals and are, genitalia aside, exact counterparts of the males-thin, attractive, and fashionable; their androgyny takes the form of prepubescent boyishness.
By Day/By Night:
Glam Rockers are nocturnal creatures. Most pass through the sunlight hours in a substance-induced state of perfect sleepiness, rising in time to report for the night jobs [e.g., musicians, club workers, wait staff, go-go dancers] that fund their drug habits (cocaine, etc.), their socializing (alcohol, condoms), and their expenses (rent, makeup, glitter). Certain Hipsters do venture out-of-doors during daylight hours. Such specimens shed their Glam trappings in order to perform mindless, menial tasks such as modeling.
Disposition:
As noted above, Glam Rockers are an affable species. Despite exhibiting a generally upbeat demeanor, many specimens have been known to swing between two entirely dissimilar emotional states, sulky and hyper, with little middle ground. Glam Rockers are at all times dramatic, and it is this penchant for the theatrical which many experts blame for the species' lack of mental stasis. Dissenting opinion holds, however, that recreational drug use may be responsible for much of the Glam Rocker's pendulous instability.
Glam Rockers can be quite flaky. Best intentions aside, they are difficult to pin down and are not the type of Hipsters one should expect to show up at a specific event at a particular time. Do not include them in your wedding party.
Habitat:
In Los Angeles, CA:
Key Club ["Cherry"] (9039 West Sunset Boulevard)-On the western fringe of the strip, this veritable "starship" of a nightclub hosts LA's most "dramatic" and "decadent" glam party, where "beautiful" "boys and girls" wallow in "glorious excess," ponder their own "sexual ambiguity," and play "pop star." Regulars bemoan the crude taunts of tourists in attendance ("poofs," "pansies"), which often bruise the "sensitive," "soft" natures of local "aesthetes."
Dragonfly ["Pretty Ugly Club"] (6510 Santa Monica Boulevard)-Wednesday nights bring out the "colorful," "gorgeous" people to this "grand" weekly party that is "pure ecstasy." "Elegant" boys "draped in garland" leave little to the "imagination," so take home one of these "darlings" before they "fade away." Locals claim "everyone's a superstar," even those "grungy outcasts" huddled by the bar.
In New York, NY:
Don Hill's (511 Greenwich Street)-Beyond the dreary brick wall "facade" lurk "glittering frock-clad boys" in "eyeliner" and "sparkling makeup." Break out your "platform shoes" and "bisexual" curiosity; the party here is as "sumptuous" as the cover charge is "outrageous." While "tarted-up" "dandies" are the honored guests, "self-conscious" "wallflowers" may forgo "space-age rock personas" in favor of "excessive" alcohol intake.
GOTHS
Male
exterior: Goth-Industrial motif-black T-shirt; black loose-fitting cargo pants; trench coat.
accessories: Chunky belt hung with keys; black lace-up Dr. Martens boots.
markings: Eyeliner.
plumage: Black, long, and stringy.
Female
exterior: Pale complexion, S & M gear (bustier; garter belt); PVC; tall, laced boots; fishnet or striped stockings; flowy, loose-fitting, lacy garb
markings: Heavy black eyeliner; red lipstick.
plumage: Long and black; either braided or straight; possible red streaks.
voice: Plaintive wailing delivered via "online journal" (both sexes).
Like many Hipsters, this species propagates itself through an intense period of adolescent unpopularity. Goths adhere to strict artistic ideals and, unlike similarly rebellious yet angrier species [see Punk Rockers], exhibit a rich, lush aesthetic. Despite glaring levels of social inadequacy, the species is among the most visually outrageous of our Hipsters. They are incredibly easy to spot in the field and thus ideal for beginners.
These Hipsters, no doubt due to repeated high school ribbing, possess particularly tortured souls. They convey the utter darkness of their station through a metaphorical and largely black wardrobe, consisting of such elements as platform boots, capes, cloaks, rubber, fishnets, corsets, and leggings. Despite the intended bleak seriousness of their markings, the species' inherent geekery often remains painfully apparent.
Creatures of the night, both symbolically and in fact, Goths affect a studied, vampirish appearance and enjoy sleeping all day. The species' preference for all things nocturnal and dark extends to the seasonal: Goths do not enjoy the warm summer months or sunlight in general. With summer comes serious clothing dilemmas, such as the sweat-streaked face makeup and frowned-upon pairing of black boots with shorts [Figure 1].
By Day:
Fishnet leggings cost money. Fortunately, years spent pursuing extremely geeky endeavors [e.g., "Dungeons and Dragons"] have conditioned the species to perform, almost instinctually, the duties of Computer Programmer or Graphic Designer. Aside from the aforementioned fiduciary advantages, such careers allow Goths to retain much of their preferred aesthetic, as only rarely is business casual wear required. Male specimens enjoy this luxury with greater ease than do their usually more ostentatious female counterparts; black T-shirt and black jeans, while unorthodox, may pass for office wear more readily than S & M gear, which most discerning supervisors frown upon.
Adaptability; Ruggedness:
Goths are considered the cockroaches of the Hipster Kingdom. Not only can they withstand periods of radical hip redefinition [e.g., 1992-95], but they remain virtually unchanged throughout. In the wake of particularly unsavory species-specific interludes [e.g., Columbine; the mainstream pop appeal of Marilyn Manson], Goths have been known to scurry under the proverbial cupboard for cover until the worst has blown over. It has been postulated that Goths will be the only Hipsters able to survive a nuclear holocaust.
Credibility:
The species harbors a good deal of resentment over the recent mainstream popularity of what they consider "fake" Goths. Many believe that to look Goth does not necessarily equal being Goth. One must identify with the music [a cloying mix of Rimbaud-esque themes, industrial synth and sweat, the genre includes gothic rock, ethereal, dreampop, darkwave, dark synthpop, neo-classical, goth-industrial, and goth-metal], not just with the look. Participation in the actual Goth social scene is emblematic of real Goths [see below]; little kids dressing weird and rebelling for rebellion's sake are not. Goths do not bum rides from their parents or observe curfews.
In order to attain Gothic credibility, specimens are required to involve themselves in a regular cycle of club going, complemented by liberal postings to Goth newsgroups and ingratiation into the local social hierarchy. Serious adherents are also urged to participate in a strange practice known as "performance." Occurring in club terrain, these performances consist mainly of ritualized, interpretative, theatrical dance-like movements set to spooky music. They are undertaken in all seriousness and are carefully rehearsed.
Party Animals:
Though flamboyant, Goths can be painfully dull; death, despair, and loneliness are both conversationally stifling and quite exhausting. Even in comfortable terrain (dank basements, computer labs, etc.), the species is rarely gregarious. Many have even been observed, at parties, in the supine position upon a sofa [Figure 2].
Despite their utter lack of joie de vivre, Goths are fond of engaging in a series of movements which technically constitute the act of dancing. A completely joyless enterprise, their "dance" features dramatic hand motions and is only performed solo. Concerned more with methodology than fun, this lumbering display requires vast personal space and is best described as a period of controlled flailing. Though specifics vary, the "dance" usually features exaggerated arm swinging, general swishing about, affected gestures, and a great deal of crouching.
Habitat:
Due to their theatrical appearance, Goths are generally unable to blend comfortably into normal terrain and thus are forced to congregate at Goth Theme Nights. Though often held in somewhat gritty locales, this terrain is quite harmless (and dreadful). These events are given unimaginatively Gothy names [see below] with little hint of irony, as the species is anything but subtle. In such terrain, dressing Goth is not only encouraged, but often required. Though white face makeup may prove a bit much, the shedding of labels such as "Banana Republic," "Gap," or "J Crew" is strongly recommended.
In Boston, MA:
ManRay ["Crypt"] (21 Brookline Street, Central Square, Cambridge)-Open until the "vampirish" hour of 2:00 a.m., this all-purpose countercultural complex features several "cool, damp, dark" rooms, each perfectly suited for either "moping" or "celebrating the darkness of the human psyche." Though "absinthe" remains "sadly" unavailable, an ice-cold Sam Adams nicely complements any "angst-filled dissection of Lovecraft." A "convenient cape check booth" allows patrons more freedom to express the "beauty of enduring pain" while performing the "gothic slide" on the dance floor.
T.T. the Bear's Place ["Reverie"] (10 Brookline Street, Cambridge)-Save the "poetry recital" for another time and check your "sadness" at the door, as this venue boasts a sound system loud enough to be "almost life-affirming." "Blessed Goddess!" this place "really rocks." In true Boston nightlife tradition, doors close promptly at 1:00 a.m., so stock up on "clove cigarettes" and schedule a "late-night Wicca ceremony" for after.
In New York, NY:
CB'S 313 Gallery ["Alchemy"] (313 Bowery)-Ignore those "dirty, unimaginative Punks next door" and "revel" in this Monday night event that's "sexier than a graveyard photo." An abundance of "morbidly fascinating yet coy" types leave many patrons wondering "What would the Marquis de Sade do?" Most choose to simply "enjoy the music" and "contemplate pre-Raphaelite depictions of death and religion."
Downtime ["Albion/Batcave"] (251 West 30th Street)-The premier New York "goth-industrial" showcase, this Saturday night event is "steeped in acerbity" and "just loaded with hot chicks in fetish gear." The line for the bathroom can be "more excruciating than a Marilyn Manson concert," so "don't drink too much blood before arriving." "I can't wait to post the pics in my online journal tomorrow."
METAL HEADS
exterior: Straight-legged semitight denim jeans (light blue or black); high-top sneakers; black T-shirt with distorted, devilish typeface, death imagery, skull and bones; concert T-shirt; trench coat.
plumage: Long (bangs, hair spray, perhaps "feathered").
voice: Short barking notes of aggressive volume.<
Continues...
Excerpted from A Field Guide to the Urban Hipster by Josh Aiello; illustrated by Matthew Shultz Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.